Jerry, Jerry, Quite Contrary

One more Good Bye for me.....

I hated it when Snigdha left Swindon... Though I knew its going to be tough... but this time it wasn't expected... I never ever imagined I will feel this sad for my friend ('Jerry' - his name given by himself...)....

We became friends without even meeting each other....(Not even 100% sure if he considers me friend... I am sure he does..:-) ) It was work which introduced us...n me such dominant lioness used be so afraid of him at work to even ask for small small things.... but things changed gradually.... From work we started sharing thoughts with each other... It was always fun talking to him.. his fundas and concepts ... always crystal clear whatever he says... some of them definitely went bouncer to me many times... but that's alright... he knows how much I use my brain... ;-)

He is one person who looks very quite.... but I know he talks because I have spoken to him for hours... :-) and I have always enjoyed those talks.... Always willing to help (It could be anything... I have asked him... and he provides help in less or more amount but he always does...)

I was always dis-comfortably comfortable with him...like many times I can talk anything to him and many times I will hesitate to ask even small thing to him... It's a strange friendship between us... We hardly spent time with each other.. but whatever we did or whatever conversations we had... I remember them all.... and always enjoyed them...

Yesterday I got to know from someone that he is going back to India today... I was shocked and little mad at him... but then I thought he is like that only.... DIFFERENT... different from all... as he says... I am Imperfectly Perfect...:-) ...So I gladly accepted the news and said good bye to him... But it did made me sad.... which I had never expected... that such small span of time spent with someone can make me this sad...

I am sad that...one really good person is going away from my life... He was my Google, a friend.... and someone whom I can ping and disturb anytime without even bothering if he is busy or not... :-) ... But I make myself understand by saying that may be his role was only  this much in my life...he came taught me many things... and gave good memories of lifetime and now he is gone... I don't know if ever I will meet him again... But He is one whose memories I will always treasure.... :-)

If you ever read this....
I regret not spending my time with you Wacko.... :-P ... And remember Pizza is still due...if we ever meet ....:-) and Btw ur so called Tom or SH whatever you call ... he's gonna miss u bad..... :-P

Time Change... People Change...

I hated it when I first heard it from someone.... "Time change, People Change..." because I never believed in it.... I have always felt people change because of circumstances or may be with their own choices or may be because of the other people's behavior...  and never agreed on this line....

But after certain experiences I have realized it is somewhere true... Yes... people do change when time is changed... because in the meanwhile so many things happen which make them change...

But apart from that...
I hate it when people change... and you still hold the same feelings for them....
I hate it when people change... because they don't find you that interesting anymore...
I hate it when people change... because they find new people in their life...
I hate it when people change... because they grow in their life and gain that extra over confidence towards life about they can achieve anything....
I hate it when people change... because they misunderstand you in many situation and make their own assumptions...

So many reasons, so many situations.... but is it really required to change....???

I know change is the only thing which is inevitable... all those reasons which hurt others because of your stupid change in life... it feels bad ... really bad when people close to you change.... and you just don't understand the reason behind it... you feel miserable, lost, hurt, guilty,.... what not...??!!!

And you can't even blame them and you just end up blaming yourself.... what ..??? For no good reason..??? Because you have no clue what is happening... or what has happened..???

I really love the changes in life... though it is a change of place or a new hair style or new style of clothing or a new job or a new type of food or anything... but I don't like when.... "PEOPLE CHANGE..."

Home is where the people you love are....

I still remember the day 30th June 2012 when I first arrived here... It was early morning, I woke up from the sleep and saw outside the window of my flight to London Heathrow and I see the beautiful, aligned, well architectural, green city which is known to be one of the best cities for shopping... (LOL.. this is the first thing I have Google it when I came to know I am flying to UK)... 

Weather supported that day and I was lucky to see Beautiful view of London City with clear sky and rainbow in it.... I can never forget that first view of London city from the flight.... one of my most beautiful memories...

After all the check out procedure I came out and felt the chilly weather of UK... It was suppose to be summer in UK but it just felt like Winter to me... I kept my huge luggage in car and started my journey from London Heathrow to Swindon... I was amused by the beauty of the nature around the Motorway... It felt like some dream come true... Whatever I had seen in movies and on television I was actually viewing all that... and within an hours time we reached Swindon... a small, quite, beautiful town... Every thing looked so unfamiliar to me... I was little afraid about how things are going to be here? But same time I was quite relaxed as I knew Snigdha is already here. She can help me in settling down quickly...

And there we crossed quite a few small, big, curvy, straight lanes and roads, up hills and down hills and finally I reached my destination... Old Town of Swindon...  I got out of the car and saw plenty of shops and bars around the street... It was lovely sunny morning.... Snigdha came out the white door and hugged me.. I was all blank... We some how managed to pull my luggage to our house at 1st floor... I really loved the house... nice and warm... I had already fallen in love with it... and the way snigdha had kept it... I loved it even more...

Withing few hours we unpacked my luggage and I was all set in this beautiful house in Old Town...It's almost been 6 months now and today it's my last day in this beautiful house.... Snigdha has already left but it's me all on my own struggling to get things sorted with leaving the apartment formalities... and moving to new house.....

But I look back at this house and see all the memories attached with it... and best thing is... I see all the good memories.... :-) What could be better than this...??!!! I am leaving a house with beautiful memories... 

I have always felt a kind of attachment with the places I have stayed in and this place is one of those places... I understand that I haven't spent considerable time in this apartment but whatever time I have spent here.. it had been great.... Though it's our small late night parties or Jammu's leaving do or my 30th B'day or Sniggy's b'day or may it sniggy's parents visit to UK, etc.... endless lovely events had happened in this place... and all those people and their sweet presence made this house feel like a HOME for Me and Snigdha...

I feel glad to leave this Home with such happiness and no negativity... I have always felt some kind of positive vibes in this house...It has always felt home to me and Snigdha... I wish my new house brings a better Positive feeling and better experiences in my life... :-)

Change for life....

It's been quite a while and I haven't posted anything on my blog... I usually write to put my thoughts and its pretty strange that I am not writing anything.... that definitely means I am not thinking much and I am at ease... :-) good for me... My brain does need some rest... isn't it..??? or my heart does...?? not sure from where my thoughts come from....!!??

Today, it is going to be a month my bestie left for India. Initial days had been tough for me... all the crying, moaning about things I was unable to do without her, doing things alone, finding this big home empty without her... but slowly I got used to it... I definitely knew that I'm gonna be fine... but my silly heart didn't want to understand the fact...

One thing I have learnt in life with loads of experiences.. good or bad, given by various people... again good or bad... that life doesn't stop because of anyone. Some people leave by choice and some by no choice.... and we feel devastated with the absence of those people... but we keep moving ahead in life. We learn to live life without those people who used to be such an important part of our life... 

Life keeps moving...  new people.... new situations... new places... and I feel change is for good... or else life would become so boring... :-) and I am glad that I have learnt to live with change... I would rather say it like this... "I have started enjoying change in my life...."

Life is full of surprises... so why not live all the moments... Current and which are yet to come.... !!! Past has gone... and things happened in past had a reason for it to happen.... Like it is said... and my strong believe in this saying... "Everything happens for a reason... and if it is not happening as per your wish or on time... wait... and you will have better things in your kitty... :-)" 

So here I am enjoying life to the fullest.... doing things I like to do, enjoying my freedom, my single hood, learning lessons of life, not worrying about future, loving each moment....and loving Myself.... :-)

The Little Mermaid....

There was a princess of that fairy tale world where everything used to be so beautiful and good... That innocence in her used to make her think all the people around her are so nice... and She loves them all...Everyone loved her and pampered her like a beautiful princess...who was cute, innocent, loving, caring, believed in giving and sharing, who was pampered but still her feet were on ground, who was beautiful yet unaware of her outer and inner beauty... Everything she wished was fulfilled... Always protected, taken care by others... and who had never seen the reality of this world....LIFE was beautiful for her...

Princess grew up. She found a Prince Charming... But her parents were not ready for her to marry him. She didn't listen to them and she married prince against her parents wish. They started to live happily. Princess used to think... as now I have found man of my dream and married him it is going to be a Life like "They lived happily ever after..." and absolutely unaware of the storm coming towards her life.... And there was a day she realized her prince doesn't think that she is his Princess any more.. 

All of sudden Princess was the most ugliest looking girl on this earth for the Prince. He was ashamed of her, he hated everything about her.  He found all the possible flaws in her and started to yell at her for small small things... Prince had found some other princess and princess was left all alone. Princess tried her lever best to get their life back on track. But nothing was working. Days passed Prince's behavior started to changed, he became abusive with her, still she was tolerating everything as she had a hope that someday he will change. Her LOVE will change him... She spent years and years waiting for him to change. Tried doing all those things on this earth to make him happy, to make him fall in love with her again. But all her efforts were in vain.... she was dishearten... 

She used cry to her bed... she couldn't tell anyone the bad behavior of Prince. For her it was a matter Prince's image. She tried to maintain his image and bared all the pain he was giving her. (She was a fool)...

She used to look at god and ask .. "Why me God???... I have never done any bad to anyone in my entire life... then why ME....???" But she never got answer..... Slowly with time, she stopped crying and started to become a strong person... She was able to take care of her... She was becoming bold to handle situation and people around her...She worked hard to gain her confidence back...She stood for her... She was determined... she wanted to survive....

And one day she decided she does not want to take all this pain any more... and she left Prince...

Now, she was a new strong, confident, determined, smart, beautiful princess who was living her life on her terms.... with happiness which she used to find in small small things around her... She thought now she will be able to live her life happily, she had enough suffering in her past... She was positive and open about life. Accepting the way it comes. Giving tough time to challenges, she was moving forward....like there is not tomorrow....

But life wasn't easy for her... She knew she has to start a life from scratch and she was positive and open towards life.... with "TRY ME..." attitude... People around her started to look at her in different way... because she left her Prince... she was no more a normal Princess like others.... People talked all the possible bad things about her...Women bitched about her (may be in jealousy.) and Men did all the possible things a loser can do... But all these thing didn't affect her and rather makes her more strong and positive towards life... She though that God wants her to become more stronger. She was yet to learn her lessons...She was still smiling......

This princess.... standing strong, motivated, positive about life, determined....wants to tell all those people who talks about her that... 

"You have not lived my LIFE... and it is very easy to talk about others or gossip... When you are actually in the situation.. you are truly tested.... And I am tested.... I have gone through all those things which no one could have even imagined... And I wish that all those people who talk about me never gets into a situation where they have to suffer the way I had...

Don't Judge me by my Past... know me and then TALK...Your talks doesn't affect me but it makes me smile and I think ..."Wow, people have so much time to think and discuss about me... I should feel like a celebrity... People will talk about celebrities... good or bad... but they are FAMOUS..." So here, I thank god for making me ME... making me a CELEBRITY... :-)"

Sister Friend, Friend Sister... :-)

I am walking on wood street, heading towards home and thinking how it is going to be when I reach home. Our home without YOU. It is not that you have always been at home when I reached but I knew that in time you will be home. But today things are different, you have left this place and on your way to India. I know you don't want to go but even I don't want you to go but somethings are just not in our hands.

When I entered home, I smiled by looking at kitchen platform. I know how much you hate keeping kitchen dirty and you cleaned while leaving also. :-) But felt bad as in so much hurry you did all that stupid cleaning work. Entered further in dining area and saw your left luggage which made me little sad. As usual didn't feel like going to drawing room and directly went upstairs to our bedroom. It is the same place, everything is same at its usual place but your stuff is not there and you are not there. I am standing in the room  and thinking what to do? Shall I go down and eat something or shall I call any friend and talk? I do neither of it. I sat on the corner of the bed and played the song "Count on me", went near stairs and sat down. Looked downstairs, saw your birthday balloons and couldn't stop crying. The only thought in mind and heart why you are not here...

All the times spent together starts to run in front of me.. House is in such a mess but I don't feel like cleaning because I know even if I clean... you will be not come to see the surprise of cleaned house. I need to set my wardrobe but who will do it for me? Here I am sitting at my usual place and thinking of the time spent with you. How much you used to get irritated with my keyboard typing and you used to ask me "Suza please go downstairs and do it." And I used to keep on telling you just minutes and I will be done and I will spend hour sitting there, typing and irritating you... :-) I still remember the mornings when you used to play some irritating love songs and I used to feel like throwing away your laptop.. :-)

Lying in the bed and thinking of all those crazy photo session we used to do and planing of what to wear next day... Our crazy dress trials, that funny Hindi movie dance, those workouts in kitchen, that sudden wine and dine plans, that endless shopping spree, thinking of the same thing at a same time, deciding each others clothes, treating each other like baby and many more endless things we used to do together.....

I miss all...I miss your free ka tip... :-), I miss your scolding, I miss your pasta, I miss our beauty treatments, I miss that moment when we both want to tell other something but both are scared of each other that she will scold me.. :-)

The same house is looking so empty, quite, sad without you... I know I will get used to things and situation... But You will always be in my mind all the time... Loads of people are around me but no one fills the space of yours... My sister friend, friend sister.... :-)

Come back soon....!!!!

Live the moment...

At a time you will be in a very confusing state of mind.... you will not understand what exactly going on in your thoughts... Loads and loads of things running around your mind but you are constantly thinking about one particular thing, which makes you smile and makes you sad at a same time...

You really want to live that thought in real but you just stop yourself from living it.
Why???!!! ...
May be you are not sure if you want to live that thought?
May be you think that thought is just an illusion?
May be you are confused in your own thoughts?
Or probably you see pros and cons of that thought and stop yourself?
Or may be you are scared to live that thought?

Reason could be anything or all the things... But apart from all these reasons you just want to live this thought... You want to free yourself from everything... forget the illusion, confusion, pros and cons, assurance... and live it.... Live the thought, live the dream, live the every moment you have... if you start thinking about all these measurable / non-measurable reasons... you will be never able to live a life which makes you happy.... and stopping yourself from doing this will surely make others happy but what about your own happiness...??? I feel if a person is happy with himself / herself... he/she can make others more happy.....

A thought worth thinking.... I don't say don't think about anything or anyone and do what you want to..??!!! But all I want to say is...

"LIVE the MOMENT you have right now with you... may be you don't get it ever again and at the end you just regret for not living that particular moment..."